An anxiety blog on mortality..
I received a message from my cousin telling me that she had trouble in her work because her medical exams showed some cause of concern for her lungs. She had to resubmit herself to further x-rays and the second one was the same at the first - it did show signs of abnormalities. According to her (since she took up nursing in college) these were indication of tuberculosis. She had to resign from her job and subject herself to more tests and so that she could also rest herself.You maybe wondering why I am sharing this story to you... you see as we were talking about my cousin's predicament I couldn't help but wonder about my own mortality and those of the people I love. There is this nagging feeling in me now forcing me to think of the what ifs.
What if I lost a loved one the very next morning? (God forbid). Would I be able to stand up and face the reality that an important part of my life is gone? Would I be able to fill in the shoes of my loved one to those that remain? Some may find talking about the death of a loved one taboo, but I can't help but think about it now. I can't help but think If I've loved them enough and more importantly if I've shown it enough. A lot has been said already about not wasting precious moments but how many of us have really taken the time to do just that? I know I haven't done it consistently with my parents for example. All I've done are to kiss them when I leave for the office and to ask for their blessings once I return home. Simple things to me but somehow I know my parents appreciate them and I know I must not forget those little things. But truly, how many have really exerted every effort to show their love? (I know I haven't as well)
What if I myself faced the same fate? How would others react? Would there be people saddened by it.. or would more of them be happier that I'm gone? Either way I guess I wouldn't know (heck, I'm dead by that time !). I know I don't possess the looks and I know I have done little in my life such that I don't deserve grandiose funerals and as a matter of fact I wouldn't like it at well. I'd rather prefer a simple one where those whose lives have touched me and the few whose lives I touched are there. There may not be many but at least I know these are the people who truly care.
And enough of the morbid talk... I just needed to vent out the anxiety that comes when facing death. He whose mere presence have sent shudders to people, whose single act changes the lives of so many, whose coming we cannot stop. He is death, he is inevitable and his coming is not for us to decide.. but what we do before he does come is something we decide for our own.
Go to your parents, go to your bf/gf, go to anyone who you truly care about. Tell them you love them because after all, that is what truly matters.
posted by JaY @ 6/30/2008 05:20:00 PM
Comments: 1
