Again
I spent last night up until the wee hours of morning so that I'd have a chance to talk to Tere who's quarter-way around the world (she's in Austria which is at GMT + 2) and just to at least catch a glimpse of her to sustain me for the next few days. She's there right now representing the UP College of Law in the Wilhem C. Vis International Private Law Moot Court and I do hope that all who reads this pray for her and her team.
But that is actually not the main topic of this post (tere, forgive me but I have to vent this out). While I was actually talking to tere I was again at my multi-tasking self. I was updating my phone's software, talking to tere, browsing through some long forgotten files in my external hd and of course surfing the net. And I don't know what brought me to it but I went to Friendster just to check it out (yep my friends, it is still alive!) and I was surprised to see a friend commenting on another friend's photo. The photo had two of my friends eating something in the beach and boy was i surprised. These were the ones I supposedly called my close friends and none of them had the gall to invite me to this beach outing. With my rationalising self I came out with possible explanations and of course I gave all of them the benefit of the doubt but in spite of it, what pains me the most is that this is I realised that this is actually not the first time that it has happened. We've been friends for 12 or more years yet it appears that we were only close during the four years that we were together. And when we stepped into college it was as if I was slowly eased out of their lives. Again, I can blame all of this on myself by being busy with a lot of stuff but now in retrospect how can I say that I'm busy to them when they haven't asked me if I was available in the first place?
And I guess that's the harsh reality of life. When people don't need you anymore or when they determine that you're not fun to be with or when they simply forget about you then you are nothing but a mere name in their phonebooks, in their email address list only to be remembered when they need it or to be recalled when you need them.
I wrote a post with the feelings eerily similar to this one but with a very different context and I never thought that I would be mentioning these poeple in the same breadth, people I truly cherished as friends. But there are times that the best thing to do is to shut up and let it be. Words need not to be spoken as I am not closing my doors to them but now I know who's who.
2 sets of friends, 2 different years yet the same feeling again. I don't know if its simply me or its because i get to be on the losing side of the bargain mroe often than I wished. These are the times that I doubt my own self and how I am as a friend to others. Do i just simply leave people that I care for, or is it they that leave me? Or is it simply because I get peeved at the small things?
Some may say that this is petty, that I can still expect these people to be there when I need them but for me the reality is that it is not. Friends will be there for the big stuff. Yes, some people will leave you when you need them and it is your true friends that stay but I believe it is the closest friends that pay attention to the small things. The world is large enough for people who care, but close friends can only be limited for those who you believe truly love you.
I know I have a lot of friends and acquaintances that I can always turn to but then again I used to say that I can count my closest friends, the people who I was not afraid to share with nor be afraid to be who i really am and be judged for it using two hands, now its down to one. There have been attempts to increase them but due to various reasons it just doesn't work out.
So for anyone who gets to read this (and labors through all of my venting) cherish the friends who you really are close with and who you value for it is the small actions that we do that will have the most impact in their lives. Be careful with who you choose to trust and to believe in as a true close friend, for after all it is a committment, a relationship that is nurturing and heart-warming
I recall a quote saying that the best conversation with a friend is just by being beside each other and in the silence you understand. These are for friends but for the true close friends we consider It is not enough you were simply there for him or her because in that special instance, it is not the big stuff that you share - the monumental problem, the wailing of a lost love, the success you experienced which makes a friend a close true friend, but instead as a close true friend, because of all the small details that you have shared together you know what to say and do right after that silent moment. That is the magic of friendship. Knowing that whatever happens someone will be there who'll lift your spirts up or help you soar even higher.
Friends are the ones who know who you really are, from the problems to the successes. Who does not judge, who does not forget, who pays attention to the little details that make you who you are and who simply loves.
My challenge to you know during the lenten break is to actually think of who you'll trust to be your true close friend. And by labeling them as such make sure that you pay attention to them and show them the love that they deserve.
As for me, I may have true close friends numbering less and less than I initially thought I had but in the end you don't need a lot, you just need a few who truly loves you.
posted by JaY @ 4/06/2009 08:21:00 AM
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